It's amazing what medication, therapy and time can do. For today I felt a wave of normalcy that I haven't experienced in ages, it seems.
Four years ago I got very physically ill with a lymph node infection that started a 6 month course of illness that couldn't be contained, and was very difficult for my doctors to figure out. It culminated in a huge tumor-like abcess on my neck which took 3 months from start to finish to get rid of, and 6 months later a tonsillectomy that seemed to clear up the problem. However the depression that kicked in during this time brought to light a whole other problem. That problem was finally named correctly as Bipolar Disorder.
Today I stood on my own again as a man feeling in control of destiny, control of myself AND my emotions. Able to experience happiness without feeling that I was spinning into a manic phase. Able to experience life and not second guess my judgment and not worry that I was "freaking out" if I saw something sad on tv. I finished 3 years of solid therapy today and that is amazing. My therapist, Susan, is someone I will always treasure having had the opportunity to meet with and while we are going to keep a standing appointment on the books for the next two months, I can just call her a week beforehand and tell her whether I "need" the appointment or not. And at that we will part ways. It's sad in a way as I have truly enjoyed meeting her and her influence in my life, enabling me to see what I was doing wrong, and what I needed to adjust without ever telling me what to do. But she has done her job very very well and I finally feel like this bird can fly again.
I have returned to work, and have further plans to re-enter my normal profession within the next six to twelve months. I realize I will always be on these medications but if they are able to help me feel THIS normal then bring them on, I say!
I can't believe it - I'm living my life again!
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